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| robinorlan5 |
 Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 1:34 pm |
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Joined: 07 Nov 2009
Posts: 3
Location: ImmortalPets.com
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My baby was with me for 18 years, she was a Whippet and lived way beyond what she should have.
I had her from a little puppy, and we lived alone for the entire 18 years so this is so hard on me.
Here is my story:
Angel was a gift to me from my prior boss. My health got really bad and I could not work anymore and so he got her for me before I had to leave.
She was such a sweet little girl and brought alot of happiness into my life. She had the ability to alert me to seizures I have, she would let me know when one was coming so I could get to a place of safety.
Then she would be right by my side giving me kisses when I came out of them and woke up.
She made me laugh, kept me company, gave me her unconditional love, and always did everything she could to please me.
Anywhere I went, she went except for doctor visits and to the grocery store, I did not take her, but everywhere else she was right there by my side. Even holidays or events that was away from our home.
We went through alot over those 18 years together.
She was always in perfect health her whole life, no problems at all, until about a month ago. I started noticing changes in her, slower, less of an appetite, did not play as much, and arthritis setting in too.
Then, one week before her passing, she started coughing, and gagging, and her heart pounded.
On the night of November 1, 2009, she was up all night struggling, I was by her side to help comfort her and see if this passed or was something that was bad. The Vet. had stopped by and said she had fluid around her heart and going to the lungs and would not be here more than 24-48 hours or so.
I did not want to believe him! I wanted to think it was allergies or something.
November 2, 2009, in the morning, she was so sick yet she was still trying desperately to please me and pretend she was not as sick as she really was.
She was weak and I saw the pain and how much she was struggling, she looked up at me and her beautiful big doe eyes had a dark blue glaze coming over them, I saw her slipping away.
So, I had to make a very sad and heartbreaking decision to send her to Heaven. I had to do this for her sake, she deserved not to have to go through anymore pain and suffering. It would have been selfish of me to keep her there with me and she deserved better!
I took my friend and her two dogs, Peanut, and Paris, to be with her, to comfort her and be by her side. We arrived at the doctors office and they took us into a room that was set up like a nice comfortable living room instead of a cold old regular exam. room.
Angel went through the process while we were right by her side and she left us.
My heart hurts and is broken, but I feel at peace in the fact that she is no longer going through what she was, and is in a beautiful, peaceful place with God. I don't have to worry about her anymore.
As I said, I had her for 18 years her and I alone, and now my heart is broken and hurting and I at times cannot stop crying.
Its only been 6 days since she left so maybe with time I'll get better. I have found myself talking to her, going to feed her, take her out, forgetting she is gone and going on with our routine as we did for so many years, then I remember, she is gone. She slept with me, always, and now my bed is so empty even though I put 4 pillows in there its still not the same.
Everyone says, get another dog, well I say NO to that. I don't want to start over with another one. My health is getting worse and I am getting older, so it would not be fare to another animal.
Does anyone know how I can stop this pain in my heart? Or how long it will hurt so badly? How can I fill this huge void in my life now?
I miss her and love her so much!
Thank you for listening to my story
 Robin |
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| chele |
| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 6:21 am |
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Joined: 19 Aug 2009
Posts: 43
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| I am so so sorry. What a beautiful story of the love and devotion you two had for each other for so long. I wish I had any magic words of advice for you, but I don't. I found I just had to live through it one painful day at a time. Eventually the breathing got easier and the pain in my heart went away. The memories moved in and now I'm in a much better place. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug. |
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| robinorlan5 |
| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 8:49 am |
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Joined: 07 Nov 2009
Posts: 3
Location: ImmortalPets.com
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Thank you chele for those comforting words of support. I could use a hug right now! I am all alone here and this weekend was my first weekend without her, I am so lost but it is encouraging to know my pain will subside and I'll be able to move on someday. Until then I'll just have to be strong and know that I am really not alone after all, I have friends who know this pain that I can talk to.
Thank you again,
robin |
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| chele |
| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 10:36 am |
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Joined: 19 Aug 2009
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| You are so welcome. It's a shame we have to meet like this! I found that once I got through all the firsts it started to be a little easier. I also allowed myself to grieve without reserve. No playing tough gal for me, I was in pain and didn't even try to hide it! Luckily I sit with my back to everyone at work. Since I had warned my boss for years that I wouldn't even come in if I ever lost Callie she was very understanding about my emotional state. I found staying busy really helped too. Are you able to get out of the house at all? The more I broke my old routine that I'd had with Callie for so long the better I was able to handle the day. I know how alone you feel right now, but as long as you have Angel and God in your heart you are never truly alone. |
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| robinorlan5 |
| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 1:13 pm |
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Joined: 07 Nov 2009
Posts: 3
Location: ImmortalPets.com
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chele,
thank you again.
I don't get to go places much, no car, but I can take walks, and sit out by the pond, feed the fish and all.
Angel loved to do those things with me, so, I guess I will take your advice and just keep busy and cry when I need to instead of trying to be strong. Just when I get control of myself, here comes the tears again, seems everything reminds me of her.
And yes, with Angel and God by my side and friends like you, I am not alone at all!
Thank you,
robin |
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| chele |
| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 8:42 pm |
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Joined: 19 Aug 2009
Posts: 43
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| You're welcome Robin. Just remember grieving is a process that can't be rushed. AND most importantly, it WILL get better. Morning after morning I would go to Callie's grave and tell her the same things I'd told her morning after morning while she was alive. One day I forgot, and then one day I realized I didn't need to go any more. I still check her grave every day and I still talk to her constantly in my mind, but I don't cry every day anymore. |
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| MissHim |
| Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 2:15 pm |
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Joined: 02 Nov 2007
Posts: 130
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crying and venting through writing are about all we can do to try and help ourselves start healing.
I had my boy over 16 1/2 years...the longest I have had a special friend stay..and they do become so much a part of you that when they are physically gone...it feels that you are not whole anymore.
Coming here and writing how you are doing will help. Posting pictures sometimes also helps. Whatever you have to do that can make you feel somewhat better each day..that is the right thing to do at the time, whether it is crying or whatever we can think of.
Healing takes baby steps and lots of time. The sadness and grief seem to have no problem descending upon us quickly but peace and healing is never quick.
Hugs. We all can use those. Write anytime. |
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| HOOTI |
| Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 2:55 pm |
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Joined: 18 Apr 2010
Posts: 1
Location: SOUTHERN IL.
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I hope you still visit this forum. Some time has passed for you I see and I also hope that you have reached some peace in your life after your loss of
your beloved companion. I now know exactly what you have been feeling as
our stories are so similar. I lost my dog "Boots" last Thursday after almost 18 years. She lived 4 years older than I was told she would. Her grandmother was a greyhound and when she got older she thinned out to look a little like
your dog or a Greyhound. It was just the two of us for a long time after everyone in our family moving on in one way or another.
I too will never have another dog. She was "one-of-a-kind".
It appears that you have had several good responses on this forum that has
helped. Take care and GOD bless. |
_________________
Angels are here all around us. All we have to do is see them and realize they have tails.... |
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| MissHim |
| Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 8:58 am |
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Joined: 02 Nov 2007
Posts: 130
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Hooti
I am sorry for your loss last week. 18 years is wonderful to have had your girl. I always had dogs and I lost them around 10 or 12 years of age. They were German Shepherds and real sweethearts. To me each pet I have had were all "one of a kind" as each personality was unique to them. When I was single, my first Shepherd was my constant companion for 10 years. When she got cancer, and I had to lose her.....within a few months I spotted a Shepherd puppy in the paper needing a home and she was my girl's coloring. I got her and she was with me for 12 years then her spinal cord failed her. I was moving within a short time so I held off giving another a home and lo and behold my quiet backyard attracted a feral mother cat who decided to have her kittens safely there and I wound up owning kittens the last is my avatar who was with me 16 1/2 years, the longest for me to have a special one. As much as the heartbreak comes when they leave..I have to feel that if they were not taken, I would not be giving a home to new ones who need love and a home and I have not regretted any of them. At least the ones I got always were safe and never abandoned like so many seem to be.
It has always meant so much to me to hug another of these furry friends ...nowhere else can we find such unconditional love.
One saying I found that helps me is: The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her.
I guess that is why I will continue to help new ones whenever I am alone..all they ever want is love...and that is something I can give freely to them and it means so much to have it returned many times over. And I have found that I cannot take the empty home for long and so not only do I get another but it helps the hole in my heart for when I hug another....I can feel a little of hugging the one who is gone ...physically gone but never really gone as none will ever be forgotten...they are all always a part of me everyday of my life.
Boots will always be with you because she is part of your heart and memories. No matter how long we have them, it will never ever be long enough. Treasure the years of joy you knew because of her. Push away the sadness and replace each sad thought with a happy memory and feel inside how glad you are, you had her with you. That will help.
Take care. Sending you a HUG...we can all use those and I can say...been there so I know your pain very well. |
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